Speaking from the Heart:
Learning Conversations that Guide Souls with Grace
I want to thank everyone who contributed to this article by responding the related questions I published in “Notes”. Your comments were thought-provoking, valid, and helpful in my development of thoughts surrounding this topic. I look forward to your comments after reading this post. :)
Introduction
When engaging in conversations about faith with non-Catholics, especially in evangelization or apologetics, it is crucial to approach the dialogue with humility, patience, and genuine love. The ultimate goal is not to "win" an argument but to guide souls toward truth with the light of Christ—a process that involves listening as much as speaking. Here, we draw upon the principles of a Learning Conversation to help apologists or evangelizers navigate these meaningful yet often challenging exchanges.
1. Suspend Certainty
It’s natural to feel deeply convinced of the truths of the Catholic faith. However, suspending certainty does not mean compromising the truth but allowing yourself to approach the conversation with openness and curiosity. This invites the other person to share their perspective without fear of being immediately contradicted or judged.
A key part of suspending certainty is seeking to identify the "positive intention" behind the other person’s view. For example, if someone says, “Praying in front of statues is an example of idolatry that the Bible warns against,” recognize that their concern likely stems from a sincere desire to honor God and avoid sin. Acknowledge this intention:
"I can see how much you value staying true to God’s Word and avoiding anything that could dishonor Him. That’s such an important commitment.”
Once the time is right, share what you think you understand about their concern to ensure clarity. For example:
"Do I understand you correctly that you don’t think it’s right to worship statues?" or *"It sounds like you don’t believe the saints in heaven can hear you."
This process not only shows you are genuinely trying to understand but also opens the door for collecting more data and addressing their concern with accuracy and clarity. When they confirm or clarify their belief, you can introduce additional insights:
"The Church teaches that statues and images are not objects of worship but reminders of God’s glory or the lives of saints who followed Him. They help us focus our prayer on God, not the statue itself.”
Suspending certainty creates space for dialogue rather than debate. It fosters an environment where the person feels safe sharing their thoughts and experiences—a critical first step in evangelization.
2. Speak from the Heart
Authenticity and vulnerability are powerful tools in any conversation, especially in matters of faith. Speaking from the heart involves identifying the "positive intention" behind someone’s concern and addressing it with empathy. When we see the care or value that underlies their objection, it can diffuse any natural defensiveness we might feel and help us approach the conversation with compassion.
Example:
If someone expresses frustration by saying, “Why would God allow suffering if He is good?” recognize the positive intention behind the question—they likely care deeply about justice and goodness. Acknowledge this concern:
"That’s such a heartfelt question. It’s clear how much you value fairness and goodness in the world. I’ve wrestled with that question, too.”
Then, confirm your understanding by asking:
*"Am I hearing you correctly that your concern comes from a place of wanting to understand why God would permit suffering in a world He created?"
After clarifying, share from your personal experience:
"When I lost someone I loved, it felt unbearable. But through prayer and reflecting on Christ’s suffering, I found a sense of peace I never thought possible. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that.”
When you speak from the heart and empathize with their underlying concern, you build a bridge of trust that allows the other person to feel your sincerity and the hope your faith brings.
3. Leave Room for Difference
Evangelization is not about forcing others to adopt your perspective but planting seeds of truth and letting God work in His time. Recognize that conversion is a journey, and people may not agree with you immediately (or ever). Leave room for the mystery of God’s grace.
Example:
If someone says, “I respect Jesus as a great teacher, but I don’t believe He is God,” respond with humility:
*"That’s an interesting perspective. I appreciate your respect for Jesus. May I share why I believe He is both fully human and fully divine?"
By acknowledging their perspective without diminishing your own, you create a space for meaningful exchange rather than confrontation.
4. Slow Down to Listen with Intent to Understand
Listening is an act of love. It demonstrates respect and communicates that you value the other person’s dignity and perspective. Avoid formulating your response while they are speaking; instead, focus entirely on understanding their words and emotions.
Example:
If someone says, “I left the Church because I felt judged and unworthy,” resist the urge to defend the Church immediately. Instead, say:
*"I’m so sorry to hear that. That must have been painful. Can you share more about what happened?"
Follow up with clarifying questions like:
*"What do you think would have made you feel more welcome?"
*"How has your relationship with God evolved since then?"
When you listen with intent to understand, you not only show compassion but also gain valuable insights that can guide your response.
Engaging with Grace: Questions to Deepen Dialogue
Here are some thoughtful questions to use during evangelization:
*"What does faith mean to you personally?"
*"How have your experiences shaped your understanding of God?"
*"What do you think about Jesus’ teachings on love and forgiveness?"
*"Are there any aspects of faith that you find particularly challenging or intriguing?"
*"What role, if any, has prayer played in your life?"
These open-ended questions encourage reflection and allow the conversation to flow naturally, fostering a spirit of collaboration rather than contention.
Trusting in God’s Timing
Ultimately, evangelization is about planting seeds and trusting the Holy Spirit to bring about growth. By focusing on the "positive intention" behind another person’s beliefs or mental models, we can de-escalate conversations that might otherwise turn into arguments. Sharing what we think we hear—such as, "Do I understand you correctly that you don’t believe saints can intercede for us?"—helps us collect additional data to ensure our response is focused and accurate. Exposing these underlying intentions allows us to find empathy for the concerns that drive their views, bridging the gap to a true learning conversation. This approach reflects Christ’s example of engaging others with love, patience, and humility. By suspending certainty, speaking from the heart, leaving room for difference, and listening with intent, we become instruments of God’s grace, gently guiding others toward the light of His truth. Remember, we are called to plant the seeds—God will do the rest.